My Three Ring Circus, Part 3 & 4
You may or may not be able to find sympathetic, caring individuals who are identifying with you on an authentic level. Your frustrations may deepen as you encounter more difficult situations with your child who does not follow a pattern, who finds conformity challenging and has difficulty complying with a certain standard of behavior.
For fear of being labeled a BAD parent, you may cease sharing your difficulties in conducting your circus with others. You may fear criticism in the voices of others or worse- indifference from those closest to you. Your plan for survival may just turn to secrecy as you push your own frustrations underground and hope for the best.
As the toddler years play out on life's stage, you may find that the toddler "terrible twos" just seem to follow your child into the preschool and early elementary years. Another example of secrecy is the "circling the wagon" approach- that of showing a united front to others with your spouse, but then behind closed doors having big-time emotional explosions..
This emotional conversation will continue throughout the years as you discuss issues. Both parents will bring strong opinions to the discussion table. One issue you will discuss over and over is consequences and "corporal punishment" for correction. One will want a more severe, punitive form of correction while others will have more sympathy and opt for a kinder, gentler mode of correction. You will love your child intensely and find it difficult to handle your own feelings as you continue to search for answers.
During this time you will enter the stage of avoidance. Spouses respond differently to difficulties - during this period, some just pack up and leave, others may delve into their work and leave the management of your child to the other spouse. Others will just mentally tune out or put their child into every activity known to man to keep him occupied and managed by someone else.
In order to survive this journey, you need your emotional batteries charged. It is easy to get stuck here and never get moving again. You will find no real solutions, seek no help, and suspect that life will never be the same. You will experience some grief that your child is having struggles you did not foresee. However, if you stay in this phase, you will miss out on so many opportunities for BLESSING. I would encourage you to take a deep breath and keep moving!! Your entire family will be better for it.
(Next week, we will focus n the HOPE phase! Please join me)
