Frustration Brings on Separation
During the infant years, we had very little time for socializing or taking breaks from the normal routine. Business was hectic and so was motherhood. I had few opportunities to spend time relaxing or doing something fun on days off. I was reluctant to use a baby sitter and Gary's was not willing to disrupt his schedule Monday through Friday.
Finally, we managed to carve out two upcoming Saturdays for the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo and a little road trip to a nearby area for a picnic outing. Both times, Leslie was upset the entire time we were in the truck! She was inconsolable and I could find no reason for the crying - the temperature was fine, the air conditioner wasn't blowing on her, she was fed, clean and her eyes were shielded from the sun! However, she just kept it up for 10, 20, 30 minutes without stopping.
Both times, Gary pounded on the steering wheel. The second Saturday, he pulled over, put the truck in park, walked behind the truck and paced up and down the ditch. He was livid and having a fit. I just broke down crying. It seemed as though we could not get out of the house for a normal, routine kind of Saturday without constant disruption from our only child. In a few minutes, he got back into the truck and drove home in compete silence. Leslie had fallen asleep while Gary was pacing back and forth outside and I was both mad and sad at the same time.
Something happened that day. Our communication fell off and discussing any aspect of that day led to more and more frustration. I should have insisted that we process our feelings, but that was long before I became a counselor and I did not have that skill set at the time. I just pushed those feelings deep down inside me and Gary just became emotionally disconnected to a certain degree at that point. He stopped valuing his weekends off and spent more and more Saturdays at work.
Has this ever happened to you? Has the behavior of one of your children driven a wedge into a family outing or activity? Has their unhappiness stolen the joy of the event? Have you distanced yourself from your spouse after an argument over the behavior of your child with ADHD, where no one can really shed any light on how to manage the situation? If so, I am so sorry. I completely understand. Please find someone to help you with your communication and parenting plan. Best wishes on your journey!!
